Okay, I've taken a different approach but I still have a problem.
Basically I've redone the topology of my head from scratch.
ie. modeling one half of the head, with an instance scaled at X by -1, so I can see the mirroring in realtime.
Then I delete the instance, make a real copy, scale it by -1, and combine.
(or do Mirror Geometry, I guess it's the same?)
I select the row of vertices that goes right down the center of the face (and back of head). And hit "Combine Vertices"...
Now I try various plugins that supposedly can mirror changes you make on one side to the other side... but they're all telling me my object is not symmetrical!
What did I do wrong here? I know making symmetrical faces is something people do every day so what did I miss?