Instead of trying to make a perfect sim, it's much more economical to fake it. Paint a baldness map or remove the fur from the faces that collide with the cloth. The only parts of the animation that matter are the parts that will be seen. The only place that people will see you hair colliding is where the shirt and fur meet. I'm not too familiar with fur collisions. You could try making geometry for all the holes in the shirt; make the nCloth deform it by use of a wrap deformer; and use that to collide with your fur.