//******* THE FOLLOWING TEXT IS ABSOLUTELY WRONG ***** the reason is at the far end of the text in these quotas again//
once again: thanks very much! this ideas are >very< cool!!
Somehow I'm angry about myself that I didn't discoverd the Polygon->Transfere option earlier or at least saw it in the documentation, where I spend a >LOT< of time 
So back to the problem...
You wrote "After writing this it may just be easy to start again, but hopfully it will point out a few features of Maya and ways arround things". Unfortunately you're right! Until now I almost finished the skinning job by starting again, but the scripts you mentioned are really astonishing!
The only script that somehow snails (does this word exist?) is the sds_poly_smooth_weights_export script I found on this site (and I think it is that one you meant, isn't it?). I think I can remember that Maya 4 wasn't on the list of supported versions, but it seems to work anyway. I really have huge time pressure, so I just had to kill maya.exe in the task manager after 20 minutes exporting the weights. But I think my P3 500 is still a main factor in my whole problem universe 
I tried to solve it your way, but I couldn't keep going on at the far beginning, because when I combined the neutral head with the body before (!) I created the blend shape deformer, the whole blend shape fails. The head seemed to implode on the first look, but on the second I think I saw the reason: The vertices didn't renumber the way we wanted (neither if I combined the parts with history keeping nor without) because the shape had an overall form of a head, but the polygons showed into any direction within the heads form.
So I just did the following:
I took the neutral head of the existing blendshape set, copied it, made my UV stuff, made the UV stuff of the body, killed the history, made a second blendshape deform set with the same shapes (so I had 2 blend shapes with the same faces but on different targets) and then copied the keyframes from one to the other set. After
that I combined the new head to the body, made a "UV layout" command (that produced a good job, but took a long computation time) and started skinning again from the beginning. When I look now on the history of the body there are still the polyUnite, polySewEdge, polyLayout, polySoftEdge a tweak node (I absolutely don't know what tweaks are), the skinCluster and the "Singing" Blendshape nodes.
I know this is not a solution, but it works overall and the performance is not too bad. Thank you for your efford anyway!
Right now I am drawing around on the shoulder and it looks good. By the way...
I hope you won't be angry when I say that I found out why my drawing work wasn't applied; you know - the first problem of all others;-) . It's a fault of a newbie as usual and I found the solution in the documentation: I mainly used the Replace (with value 0) option of the painting to substract the values from a joint. Because Smooth-Binding works by sharing one vertex value to more joints and keeps the sum of those values to 1, it always added the missing values of the sum to the other joints when I replaced a value with 0. So every time I draw an area "black" and thought it was OK, the same area went white on an other joints skinnig info, that shared the same vertex. So I was always killing my work by doing it. In the documentation stands that this process of keeping the value to 1 is called "normalisation" and it can be disabled (in the Edit Smooth Bind Menu), but it doesn't work here in Austria for some reason
(surly my fault again)
So my workaround is not to replace by the value 0! I want an area to become black, I have to select the joint that should have this region white and add the value 1 there, so my originally area that should become black, becomes black!
Somehow I always rember those words: "Expirience is a hard teacher. It gives the tests before the lessons."
Let my final words be: Thanks, Read the ******* manual COMPLETELY and "Never give up, Never surrender" 
Yours, Daniel
//******* AND NOW COMES THE REALITY ***** //
Dear Richard,
Forget what I wrote there! THIS IS NONSENSE!!!!! If anybody here should have the idea to do a animation in the way I descibed the animation will NOT WORK..
Why?
I am finished with skin painting and wanted to start animating the body, but here comes a problem that I complete do not understand:
Everytime the blendshape animation (facial) and the other animation (legs, arms, tail) come together the whole shape seems to implode.....
oh man... I'm totaly lost now..